


Get them God Damn Unicorns off my Hellicarrier

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 17:28:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12040743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: Nick Fury and the Avenger Unicorns. That... pretty much says it all.





	Get them God Damn Unicorns off my Hellicarrier

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

 

Fury didn't like unicorns. 

It was a pain in the ass keeping them clean, their hooves made a hell of a racket on the deck and they kept misjudging how much clearance space their horns needed. 

You know what happens when a unicorn horn collides with a doorway on a hellicarrier? A rainbow appears! Hardened, merciless agents stop dead and go 'awww'. It's embarrassing!

Also, they smelled like god damn flowers, and the smell clung to Fury after he brushed out their stupid, cotton candy fluffy manes. 

If he let the brushing go for a day, they got all tangled and people looked at him as if he was a terrible, terrible person.

Fury WAS a terrible, terrible person, so that part was fine.

 

He didn't know what moron on the World Security Council decided the hellicarrier needed their own unicorn herd. One, maybe, all right, the healing power of the horn was undeniably useful. Fury was glad to have his damaged eye repaired.

But damn it to hell and gone, he didn't need seven of them! Sure, seven was a magically mystical number, but three was pretty good, too. Oh, no, it must be seven, one from each of the colors of the spectrum. He'd tried to argue that 'indigo' was bullshit, to at least cut one out, but no luck.

And damn it, couldn't they at least have got a unicorn handler? Nope, nope, the herd must be imprinted on the master of the ship for maximum hermetic effect.

So, here he was, master of all he surveyed, badass in black leather, with a snuffling, whinnying line of unicorns trailing behind him. Orange Thor and Blue Loki seesawed between being inseparable and trying to beat the crap out of each other. Violet Clint and Indigo Natasha at least partnered up peaceably for the pranks they pulled. Green Bruce was shy as hell. Red Tony was always prodding him to play and then Yellow Steve would get all huffy and try to be herd stallion, shoving Tony away from Bruce. 

And then Tony would get all huffy and try to fight Steve, who was twice his size, but would the little shit back down? Hell no. Fury had a sneaking fondness for Tony, but he tried not to show it.

Just another day on the Hellicarrier. Fury's forked tail whipped out and smacked Tony back in line. Tony looked at him with big, hurt, brown eyes. Fury sighed and gave the unicorn a handful of dried blueberries.

He was going to give up all hope of having any Damn respect.

**Author's Note:**

> Hurricane Irma is coming and I *think* I've done all the preparations I can & am trying too soothe my jitters with easy ficcing.
> 
> I misread the first line of a summary - 'Fury didn’t like unknowns'...and this happened.
> 
> I normally spell it 'helicarrier' but you know...


End file.
